AN UNSINKABLE SHIP

A COUPLE of years ago, a dear friend of mine sent me a text message that “There is only one unsinkable ship; it is friendship.” Even though within the context that the message was drafted and sent to me, it was meant to communicate a specific idea, I have come to appreciate this from a wider perspective. True friendship never sinks irrespective of the intensity of the tide that pushes against it. A great friendship is one that stands the test of time; goes through challenges and emerges firm and progressive. This week, my main task so far as this column is concerned is to express seven ingredients that characterise stable and unsinkable friendships.

1.     Acquaintance: Friendships evolve from the foundation of acquaintance. An acquaintance is someone you know at the periphery. The impressions you get from your acquaintances help you to determine whether or not to proceed to establish a more intimate relationship with people.

2.     Affirmation: Affirmation is the honest admission of what you recognise in a person. In any real friendship, the parties involved strive to accept people based on who they are. They are comfortable with each other’s strong points and definitely not embarrassed with their shortcomings and weaknesses. There is no insecurity as a result of somebody’s successes or strengths. Affirmation reinforces people’s strengths and inspires continuous progress. Any relationship that expects to sail through the storm without sinking must have a good dose of affirmation; a situation where each other’s strengths and personality are acknowledged.

3.     Association: By association, I’m referring to the interactions you have with your friends as well as memories you have of them. Good friends spend quality time together and enjoy each other’s company. They create landmarks that serve as souvenir banks for the relationship.

4.     Alliance: A friend is an ally. An ally is someone you cooperate with to achieve an aim. Friends collaborate to elevate each other on life’s ladder. They join forces to pursue ambitious tasks together. This boosts relationships and gives magnitude and direction to the relationship. Strategic alliances strengthen you and enhance your leverage in life.

5.     Assistance: Apart from all that we’ve discussed, another key attribute of good relationships is mutual assistance. Whereas alliance is about things you do together, assistance is limited to help that you receive for your personal endeavours. Do your friends support you to achieve your personal tasks? What role do you also play when your friend is pursuing their own goals? Good relationships have mechanisms to help one with their pursuits of life.

6.     Allegiance: Loyalty and commitment are essential hallmarks of every enduring relationship. You can’t have a lasting relationship with anyone if there is no assurance of commitment and trust. Each party in any relationship should be trustworthy. There should be an unshakable confidence on the part of your friend that you could be relied upon and vice versa. Where the spirit of allegiance prevails, there is trust and trust is a key sustainability factor in friendships.

7.     Affection: Affection is the fondness and tenderness of feeling that you have towards another person or thing. It is that sensation that becomes the breeding ground for love. It is a necessary component of friendship. When allegiance, assistance, alliance, association, affirmation and acquaintance fail, affection is the fuel that will keep the relationship running. The intensity of affection in any relationship determines its elasticity.

When I was younger, I read a piece in a magazine that said that the word ‘friend’ is a contracted form of the words ‘free’ and ‘end.’ What the writer of that article sought to put across was that friendship has a free end. In other words, true friendship has no end. My interpretation then was that true friendship was one that had no end in communication; a relationship that continues for life. This has some validity but growing up, I have come to realise that significant friendship is one that makes a landmark impact on you. The impact of such a relationship lingers and sometimes has ripple effect on several vital aspects of your life. Certain principles and lessons you imbibe from some of your friends might be useful even in their absence. Having a true friend does not necessarily imply that you will have permanent contact but its significance may be eternal.

This week, do a “friends check” and discover who your true friends are.