THE TRUST FACTOR IN RELATIONSHIPS

JUST as a door will not swing without hinges, so will any relationship that is not fastened with trust become comatose. Your level of trust for your partner is an indication of how confident you are about your relationship. Without trust, you will not have enough faith to invest for the sustainability of your relationship.

In spite of the critical role of trust in relationships, many people do not take steps to cultivate trust in their relationships. It is often taken for granted that because love is present, trust is not a matter to be worried about.

However, I think that because of how important trust is, it should be on the front page of conversations between partners. Don’t take it for granted that because you love each other, trust is a matter of course. Indeed, many relationships that break up as a result of infidelity started on the platform of love. Love alone is not enough to make the relationship strong. As a matter of fact, the reason many break ups hurt is because at the time of the break up, the love ball still rolls.

If you don’t deliberately institutionalise elements of trust, when winds of pressure blow over the relationship there is likelihood that both you and your partner will be blown away. Trust is not something you assume. It is the product of a system of honesty, openness, accountability and respect.

HONESTY
IF BOTH you and your partner are honest to each other, there will be a semblance of trust in the relationship. Honesty is about fairness, truth and moral uprightness. The best way to inject trust into any relationship is to tell your partner the truth at all times. Anytime you tell a lie, you are digging a hole of distrust and suspicion. No matter how difficult the situation is, you will be better off telling the truth. While telling a lie may seem convenient in a moment, truth will triumph in the long run.

OPENNESS
THIS is a thorny issue in many relationships. Should you be able to answer your partner’s cell phone when it rings? Is it acceptable to read text messages on your partner’s phone? To what extent must privacy be allowed in relationships?

In a business partnership, it is normally expected that parties will be transparent to each other about everything they do in relation to the business. In romantic relationships however, both parties commit their lives to the relationship. Therefore the logical thing to do in this regard is to be transparent with your life. Such transparency could help build intimacy and minimise incidents of suspicion.

As much as possible, people in relationships should not hide things from each other. If you commit to a relationship (especially marriage or one leading to marriage), you must work to get to a point where you learn to communicate with your partner in such a way that even in your privacy, there is transparency. Transparency removes shades of doubt and insecurity.

ACCOUNTABILITY
WHEN it comes to accountability in relationships, two ideas are important – responsibility and explanation. Responsibility is the degree to which you are obligated to your partner and the relationship. Explanation is the clarification you give to issues and situations.

Are you willing to let your partner in on why you couldn’t answer your phone all day? Will you tell your partner about the nature of relationship you have with members of the opposite gender? Accountability is when you answer to issues that are of concern to your partner – not only because your partner asks, but also due to your own desire to ensure that your partner understands.

RESPECT
RESPECT is about esteem. It is the level of admiration you have for each other. It is the amount of deference you give to each other. Do you seek each other’s views when making important life decisions? You may not always agree with their views but it’s a way of saying, “I cherish your advice. You are intelligent enough to advice me.”

Respect is also about not taking each other for granted. For the long-term sustainability of your relationship, it is imperative that you constantly find ways to demonstrate that you feel honoured to have the person as your partner. Let them know that you are proud of them.

GUARD TRUST
TRUST is not something you leave to chance. You must treat it like a garden. Cultivate it, nurture it and you will reap a great harvest of unbroken love in your relationship. No amount of trust is enough for the lifetime of a relationship. Each day in the life of the relationship is an opportunity to invest and deepen trust. If you don’t pay attention to this on daily basis, it could slip out. Trust is the fuel that keeps the flame of love ablaze.


© 2012 Terry Mante
Personal Development Network (PEDNET)
E:: terrymante@live.com
T:: +233.268.816.545
Accra, Ghana