If you cannot enjoy being alone, there is no way
being with others can fill any void you may have in your life - Terry Mante
GREEK philosopher Aristotle is widely known to have said that,
“Man is by nature a social animal; an individual who is unsocial naturally and
not accidentally is either beneath our notice or more than human.” Human beings
are designed to enjoy the company of one another and that it is unsound for a
person to exist and not enjoy the company of people.
The natural and instinctive attribute is reinforced by
contemporary pro-social technology that enables us to connect with other even
when we are alone. We are able to talk with them on phone, chat via instant
messaging apps, connect over social media or send emails.
As fulfilling as this is, it has the likelihood to make us
impressionistic and codependent. We want to put out socially desirable behavior
so that we would be accepted. When you don’t feel accepted in the midst of
people, loneliness can run through your veins. The quest to cure loneliness
increases out desire to be with and interact with other people.
There are people who rarely want to be alone. This is because
they thrive on the energy and affirmation that come through connecting with
others. The irony with people who thrive on external affirmations is that they
are usually the ones who feel lonely. That is because loneliness can happen
even when you are in a crowd. It does not take a crowd to avoid or overcome
loneliness. It takes a sense of completeness to really feel cheerful when you
are with others.
It is possible to be alone and not feel lonely. If you cannot
enjoy being alone, there is no way being with others can fill any void you may
have when you have low self-esteem. As interconnected as the world has become,
it is imperative that you learn to carve tine for yourself from time to time.
The moment you learn to enjoy being with yourself, you will be
able to engage more meaningfully with others.
When you are with yourself, you are able to be yourself. There
is no one to impress but you. You can think whatever you want to think about,
you can do almost anything you want to do; you can really be you. The fact that
being your real self and having no one but yourself to impress gives you
satisfaction in a way that no size of crowd can give you.
Being alone unleashes your creativity. It enables you to explore
and do some crazy stuff you ordinarily wouldn’t do in public; because you
wouldn’t want to be ridiculed. Have you realized that some people sing their
favorite tunes when they are in the shower? It’s usually because over there, no
one will criticize them, even if they sing in discord.
Being alone helps you to focus on issues that have become a
thorn in your flesh. You are able to think through those issues and generate
array of solutions that could be pursued. Imagine being able to weave through
and figure out a long-standing challenge just by sitting down or lying down and
thinking about it. Great, huh?
When you spend time with yourself, you get to know yourself
better. You see your weaknesses, your strengths, passions and abilities more
clearly. This discovery helps you to gain self-confidence and even improve your
relationships.
When you make the time you spend with yourself productive, you
become more authentic, cheerful and confident. This reduces the tendency to
need to impress others. It makes you deal more sincerely with others.
People who do not feel comfortable being alone cannot realize
optimum benefits that could be derived from engaging with others. If you don’t
enjoy your own company, you can be sure that no one will enjoy hanging out with
you.
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About the author
Terry Mante is a business
development and management consultant who has worked on market research,
strategy, branding, corporate training, capacity-building as well as PR and
communications projects for clients in diverse fields. He is an incisive and
inspiring author, personal development coach, moderator of focus group
discussions and conference/workshop resource person.