FACES OF INTIMACY

Intimacy is about creating an atmosphere where people can really be themselves in spite of their differences and still feel loved and appreciated." - Terry Mante

WHAT IS INTIMACY?
HUMANS have an inherent need to be accepted and loved by other humans. Intimate relationships provide a context for this need to be met. When there is intimacy in relationships, it creates a platform for the sharing of genuine love and absolute trust. However, people in relationships must acknowledge that intimacy does not happen by itself. It is diligently cultivated by the parties involved.

In every relationship, the partners must make it a point to develop intimacy. Developing intimacy is a process that goes on throughout the life of the relationship. Intimacy is the continual sharing of experiences, beliefs, values, feelings and resources.

When you want to build intimacy in a romantic relationship such as marriage, you do so holistically. It must involve the emotions, intellect, spirituality and physique of both parties. If you neglect any aspect of intimacy, your relationship will never have the certainty of stability.

SPIRITUAL INTIMACY
MANY people prioritise sexuality over spirituality in relationships. While sexual intimacy is an essential component of romantic relationships, spiritual intimacy is critical. If spiritual intimacy is weak, all other aspects of intimacy will be deficient. Spiritual intimacy is the interaction that occurs between the parties about the meaning and significance of life, beliefs about the universe, morality, as well as ideas about God and humanity.

Spiritual intimacy closes the gap between the two parties in the relationship. It provides a basis for the other faces of intimacy to fit in.

INTELLECTUAL INTIMACY
COUPLES must learn to connect intellectually. They must be able to communicate and discuss their thoughts on fashion, religion, politics, sports, business and education. The goal of this discourse is not to agree but to understand how each other thinks. Intellectual intimacy enables people in relationships to understand how their partner processes ideas and what they think about very topical issues. This will help you to appreciate each other better.

SOCIAL INTIMACY
SOCIAL intimacy is about cultivating and sharing interests outside of yourselves. It is connections you have with external parties such as friends, family members, work colleagues and school mates. It is also about sharing your interests in such activities as festivities, parties and so on. Again, the objective is not to necessarily like what your partner likes but to be able to discuss freely and appreciate each other better.

EMOTIONAL INTIMACY
FEELINGS are a big part of every relationship. Partners must endeavour to know and understand how each party feels about issues. This sort of understanding helps people to develop sensitivity for each other and ensures that hurts are minimised. Inevitably, people will sometimes get hurt in relationships but emotional intimacy will help them to work through their hurts.

PHYSICAL INTIMACY
THERE cannot be a perfect romantic relationship without physical intimacy. In a relationship, physical intimacy is analogous to the roof of a building. It covers the relationship externally and seals the foundation laid by the other faces of intimacy. This kind of intimacy is widely expressed through holding of hands, hugging, shaking of hands and patting on the back. The highest form of physical intimacy is sexual intercourse. The context for such intimacy must be proper and fitting. You have to note that physical intimacy is void if the other aspects of intimacy are not cultivated adequately.

THE GOAL OF INTIMACY
INTIMACY is not about eliminating differences. It is about creating an atmosphere where people can really be themselves in spite of their differences and still feel loved and appreciated. It gives clarity to the peculiarities that characterise each individual and helps promote healthy and progressive relationships.

People in relationships are unique and distinct in their own way. Thus for relationships to succeed, there has to be understanding of the uniqueness and distinction that are embodied in each person. Intimacy delivers such understanding and helps you to accommodate each other.

© March 2012 Terry Mante
PEDNET
Accra, Ghana