MAKING TIME FOR PEOPLE

“Don’t wait for eventualities to happen before you discern the value of people.” - Terry Mante

WHILE working in my office one afternoon, my cell phone buzzed. When I checked I realized it was a call from a friend of mine. Knowing my friend quite well, it was going to be a long call. Due to the urgency of the work I was engrossed in, I decided not to respond to the call at that time. Instead, I made a mental note to return the call when I got less busy.

Somehow, I couldn’t get around to call my friend back that very day. My work took a better part of me. Thoughts of returning the call slipped in and out of my mind few days after that. It so happened that anytime I got a prompt to call my friend, I would find an excuse to say, “Oh I need to call Aku (name changed); I'll call her tomorrow morning.” Or “I’ll call her when I get home.” Postponement upon postponement, I never made that call until it became too late.

Less than a month after her call, I got an unusual late night call from a mutual friend of ours. That call kept me awake much of the night. He broke the news. Aku had been dead for about two weeks and she had been buried! Unbelievable! This spun my head.

This was someone who relied on me for counselling and encouragement. Although we were friends, I was also her counselor. When she called, was she seeking my encouragement? Was she going to ask me to pray with her? Could I have saved her? Could I have motivated her to stay alive? The more I probed, the more guilt I felt.

I am still learning my lessons from this experience. The immediate lesson is that I must consciously make time for the people in my life and those who require my services. I may not be able to meet everybody’s need but I can offer some service to those who are in my immediate circle.

If my friend had not passed on, I wouldn’t have known how desperately I may have been needed. Don’t wait for eventualities to happen before you discern the value of people. People are valuable. We must learn to show interest in the affairs of the people we care about. We must stay faithful to those who invest their time in our lives.

I have also learnt that I must deliberately seek for ways to consistently stay in touch with the people I call friends. If you are my friend, I must check on you every now and then. What I have decided to do is come up with a schedule which will ensure that each week, I’ll call at least three of my friends and one person I look up to as a mentor. If I do this, within a quarter, I should be able to touch base with all my friends.

In a way, such regular interactions will even help me to know what is going on in the lives of people. Hopefully, this will deepen my understanding of human dynamics and eventually sharpen my axe.

Another item that has risen to the front page of my heart and mind is to make people the focus of what I do. Here, I am talking about the retail aspect of my work. While it is good to write stuff for the newspapers and online portals, speak at conferences and feature on radio, I must also do well to attend to people at the personal level. I must make time to coach, counsel and comfort people who need such services from me.

I do the work I do is because I want to make an impact in people’s lives. If God brings somebody my way, I must value that person and offer them the best I have.

It’s sad that I couldn’t say “bye bye” to Aku but her demise has taught me to value every person in my life. I should arrange my life in such a manner that I will not be too busy to make time for my people. RIP, Aku.

© 2014 by Terry Mante

CEO, Personal Development Network (PEDNET)

Accra, Ghana

Call for speaking appointment: +233.267.186.420

MANAGING CRITICISM

I DON’T know about you but I don’t like to be criticized. I am yet to meet anybody who courts the sting of criticism. Most people don’t like criticism. In spite of this, criticism is inevitable. Everybody gets criticized.

THE INEVITABILITY OF CRITICISM

WE get criticized for various reasons. Some of the reasons for which we get criticized are:

1. No two people are the same. Our experiences, aspirations, knowledge and beliefs make each of us one of a kind. People who don’t understand our uniqueness will perceive others through their own spectacle, and end up criticizing.                                                                     
2. We also get criticized because we don’t get it right all the time. No human being is right all the time. Once a while, we mess up. When we mess up, those who notice it tend to criticize us for not getting something right.                                                                                   
3. There are also times when we get criticized for doing what is right. Doing the right things can make some people uncomfortable. A sure way for such people to ease their discomfort is to criticize those who do right.                                                                                        
4. We also have people who criticize for acrimonious reasons. They criticize to undermine the confidence and success of others. Such critics somehow derive their fulfillment from other people’s failures. What they then do is to orchestrate vitriolic attacks to draw back the seemingly progressive ones.

THE RESPONSE TO CRITICISM

WHETHER you do what is right, wrong or do nothing, criticism will come. You cannot stop criticism from coming your way. Nevertheless, you can determine your response to criticism.

First, consider the facts. Don’t be in a hurry to accept or reject any form of criticism that comes your way. When a stone of criticism is hurled at you, your first action is to consider the substance of the criticism. Is it true? Is it fair? Is it really wrong? Just analyse everything before you arrive at a conclusion.

Second, assess the critic. Consider where the criticism is coming from. If it’s from a source you trust to be objective, then you may have to give an ear to that person. A trustworthy person may be someone with deep knowledge about what they criticize you about. If the person offering the criticism is someone whom you believe has your interest at heart, you may have to pay attention to them. You pay attention not merely to yield to them but to understand the basis of their criticism before you decide what to do. On the other hand, criticism from an acrimonious person may be disregarded. Even that, there will be times when you would have to yield if the facts are not in your favour.

Third, subject criticism to your standard. Each one of us has a benchmark that determines the code by which we run our lives. It is upon this benchmark that we determine whether something is right or wrong. Each of us must be conscious of our standards. This will guide us and help us to have consistent lives.

Fourth, don’t take it personal. Most of the time, people criticize you for something you do or don’t do. So when you are criticized, try not to make it an attack of your person. See it as feedback for an action or inaction. By all means, there will be times when people will deliberately attack your person to malign you. You can’t stop that but you must not let it stop you from moving forward.

THE NECESSITY OF CRITICISM

ALTHOUGH criticism is not desirable, we cannot do without it. It is more or less a necessary evil. 26th president of the United States Theodore Roosevelt famously remarked that “To announce that there must be no criticism of the president…is morally treasonable to the American public.” When he said this, he was not inviting criticism. He was affirming the inevitability of criticism and acknowledgement of people’s right to express their opinion.

Another iconic leader, Winston Churchill also said “Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.” Don’t resent criticism. Don’t be angry when you are criticized. Learn to respond to criticism objectively and it could be your spring board for success to the next level.

© 2014 Terry Mante

CEO, Personal Development Network

Accra, Ghana

Cell: +233.267.186.420

EASTER AT GETHSEMANE

You cannot arrive at any destination without paying the fare - Terry Mante

EASTER is the most important and oldest festival of the Church, celebrating the death and resurrection of Christ. The account of Easter has many lessons that we can apply to our lives. The night before the arrest that culminated in Jesus’ crucifixion, He admitted to his top disciples in the garden of Gethsemane that His heart was overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.

Then onward, He separated Himself and spent the entire night praying. He was in agony. He sought the solidarity of His top aides who could not control the heaviness of their eyes. He was lonely and frustrated. He was in pain. His prayer that night, in my own words, was “Father, this death is going to be a painful one. I really don’t feel like dying anymore. If you don’t mind, release me from this assignment. Nevertheless, I am prepared to do whatever you want me to do.”

By that prayer, Jesus brought to light the pain and frustration that was associated with His impending death. At the same time, He also made a choice to follow the path that leads to fulfillment. In my estimation, this is where the incident of Easter actually took place and there are many lessons to be gleaned from this episode. We’ll consider four lessons.

SUBMISSION TO GOD’S WILL

AT Gethsemane, Jesus made a choice to submit to the Father’s will for His life. Although He had the option to follow a convenient path, He chose to allow God’s original plan for His life to prevail.

In life, there will be moments of pain, despondency and depression. There will be seasons of betrayal. In such seasons, you may be tempted to trade long-term benefits for short-term quick fixes. What should you do in moments like that? You can take a cue from Jesus. You may prayerfully give up your natural conveniences for God’s eternal purposes.

SENSITIVITY TO LIFE MISSION

THERE is a reason each human being was created. In the case of Jesus, He had come to reconcile the human race to God through His death and resurrection. This was very clear to Him. It was something He so much desired to accomplish. He was not prepared to sacrifice this mission for any convenience of life.

We must also realize that we are alive for a reason. Our lives were designed to accomplish something in particular. It is when we recognize this and organize our lives around the purpose for our lives that we will find meaning and significance.

SERVICE TO HUMANITY

EASTER has become such a big deal because of its value to the human race. Although Jesus’ death was in fulfillment of God’s will for His life, it was also very relevant to the people of the earth. That is why the world celebrates His death and resurrection every year.

We must also determine to make our lives worth celebrating by others. This can be done if we become useful to people. We must not be selfish in our pursuits. We must live in such a way that we make contributions that make the world a better place for all of us.

SACRIFICE OF FLESHLY DESIRES

JESUS’ Gethsemane experience was a moment of destiny. It was the moment when He really had to overcome the final hurdle to becoming all that He had been destined to be. However, one thing stood in His way. While His spirit was willing to go all the way to the cross, His body was determined to keep Him on earth. This was the battle He needed to resolve throughout that night.

After a long and difficult struggle, He brought his body under subjection and decided to stick with the plan. How many times have we not jettisoned great plans because we got to the cross roads?

Sometimes, we have to endure pain to achieve what we need to achieve. Pain is the price we pay for the place we want to get to. You cannot arrive at any destination without paying a fare. Jesus paid with His life. What are you willing to give up?

© 2014 by Terry Mante

CEO, Personal Development Network (PEDNET)

Accra, Ghana

Cell phone: +233.267.186.420