FACES OF INTIMACY

Intimacy is about creating an atmosphere where people can really be themselves in spite of their differences and still feel loved and appreciated." - Terry Mante

WHAT IS INTIMACY?
HUMANS have an inherent need to be accepted and loved by other humans. Intimate relationships provide a context for this need to be met. When there is intimacy in relationships, it creates a platform for the sharing of genuine love and absolute trust. However, people in relationships must acknowledge that intimacy does not happen by itself. It is diligently cultivated by the parties involved.

In every relationship, the partners must make it a point to develop intimacy. Developing intimacy is a process that goes on throughout the life of the relationship. Intimacy is the continual sharing of experiences, beliefs, values, feelings and resources.

When you want to build intimacy in a romantic relationship such as marriage, you do so holistically. It must involve the emotions, intellect, spirituality and physique of both parties. If you neglect any aspect of intimacy, your relationship will never have the certainty of stability.

SPIRITUAL INTIMACY
MANY people prioritise sexuality over spirituality in relationships. While sexual intimacy is an essential component of romantic relationships, spiritual intimacy is critical. If spiritual intimacy is weak, all other aspects of intimacy will be deficient. Spiritual intimacy is the interaction that occurs between the parties about the meaning and significance of life, beliefs about the universe, morality, as well as ideas about God and humanity.

Spiritual intimacy closes the gap between the two parties in the relationship. It provides a basis for the other faces of intimacy to fit in.

INTELLECTUAL INTIMACY
COUPLES must learn to connect intellectually. They must be able to communicate and discuss their thoughts on fashion, religion, politics, sports, business and education. The goal of this discourse is not to agree but to understand how each other thinks. Intellectual intimacy enables people in relationships to understand how their partner processes ideas and what they think about very topical issues. This will help you to appreciate each other better.

SOCIAL INTIMACY
SOCIAL intimacy is about cultivating and sharing interests outside of yourselves. It is connections you have with external parties such as friends, family members, work colleagues and school mates. It is also about sharing your interests in such activities as festivities, parties and so on. Again, the objective is not to necessarily like what your partner likes but to be able to discuss freely and appreciate each other better.

EMOTIONAL INTIMACY
FEELINGS are a big part of every relationship. Partners must endeavour to know and understand how each party feels about issues. This sort of understanding helps people to develop sensitivity for each other and ensures that hurts are minimised. Inevitably, people will sometimes get hurt in relationships but emotional intimacy will help them to work through their hurts.

PHYSICAL INTIMACY
THERE cannot be a perfect romantic relationship without physical intimacy. In a relationship, physical intimacy is analogous to the roof of a building. It covers the relationship externally and seals the foundation laid by the other faces of intimacy. This kind of intimacy is widely expressed through holding of hands, hugging, shaking of hands and patting on the back. The highest form of physical intimacy is sexual intercourse. The context for such intimacy must be proper and fitting. You have to note that physical intimacy is void if the other aspects of intimacy are not cultivated adequately.

THE GOAL OF INTIMACY
INTIMACY is not about eliminating differences. It is about creating an atmosphere where people can really be themselves in spite of their differences and still feel loved and appreciated. It gives clarity to the peculiarities that characterise each individual and helps promote healthy and progressive relationships.

People in relationships are unique and distinct in their own way. Thus for relationships to succeed, there has to be understanding of the uniqueness and distinction that are embodied in each person. Intimacy delivers such understanding and helps you to accommodate each other.

© March 2012 Terry Mante
PEDNET
Accra, Ghana

DEVELOPING YOUR PERSONAL ECONOMY

“You are rewarded not just for what you do but for who you are.” - Terry Mante

WHY IS it that players in the same soccer team are not paid the same wages? How can two people sit in the same lecture room, write the same exam, yet score different marks? How can Thomas Edison, a man who does not have up to one year of schooling be famous for the invention of microphone, telephone receiver, motion picture and over a thousand other inventions? How is it that a person who was born in a manger became the saviour of the world? How can someone who hasn’t been to the university for a degree become the founder of a university?

In the book Future Wealth, Stanley Davis and Christopher Myers shared a scene that involved Spanish legendary artist Pablo Picasso. “A beautiful woman once approached Pablo Picasso in a Paris Café. She asked him to sketch her and offered to pay him fair value. In a few minutes, the artist created a drawing – and asked for 500,000 francs. ‘But it only took you a few minutes,’ the woman protested. ‘No,’ Picasso supposedly replied, ‘it took me about 40 years.’”

You are rewarded not just for what you do but for who you are. Many times we think life is all about doing things but that is not always the case. It’s about who we are and what we are not just what we do. We have to become before we can do. You have to build a personal economy based on your human capital.

In business, capital is a resource you inject into a venture to create value and generate profit. Capital can be money, machine, building or any resource that facilitates the production and delivery process. Human capital refers to the bouquet of core capabilities, knowledge and personality attributes that are embodied in you. It is the sum total of everything you know, all you’ve done, contacts, relationships and the intelligence you exert on your work. This defines your value in the marketplace.

If you want to be counted in the league of magnates, you must develop a valuable personal economy. You must continuously augment your spiritual, mental, physical and social capital.

CULTIVATE SPIRITUAL CAPITAL
BY SPIRITUAL capital, I am not talking about going to church or seeking favours from a native doctor. I am talking about you - your innermost self; the place of your passions, affections and aspirations. The pursuit of spiritual capital leads you to discover a purpose higher than yourself, faith that defies all odds and character that stands the test of time.

ACCUMULATE MENTAL CAPITAL
MENTAL capital is the potent combination of your knowledge, abilities and attitude.

1. Knowledge: This is the content of your mind. The quality of your knowledge determines the value of your personal economy. It is crucial that we fill our minds with the right kind of knowledge and information. When you are knowledgeable, people look up to you for ideas; people rely on you for leadership and inspiration. People will cherish your ideas.

The value of your personal economy will never be higher than what you know. So you need to give the acquisition and use of knowledge an elevated position in your life. And by knowledge, I’m not just talking about going to school, even though that is important. I’m talking about learning and applying essential things that help you to navigate different aspects of your life with meaning and significance.

2. Abilities and attitude: Everybody can be excellent at doing something but not all of us do. The challenge is for each one of us to discover what we can do and harness it. Nonetheless, if you discover your abilities but deride it, your personal economy will be undervalued. Simple, know what you can do and have immense respect for it.

GET PHYSICAL CAPITAL
ISN’T IT a pity to have a very skilful footballer who does not have enough stamina to play for just one half of a game? Many people deem regular activities like sleeping, eating, bathing, drinking of water and walking as matter of course. So we eat anything we want at anytime, we sleep only when we feel drowsy and sometimes we feel that rest is for lazy people.

Don’t wait until something breaks down in you before to pay careful attention to your body. You need physical capital in order to move on with your life.

NURTURE SOCIAL CAPITAL
THIS IS the network of relationships you maintain. It is imperative that we construct useful and fruitful relationships around us. Our worth in life is influenced largely by the people we know and the people who know us. We must deliberately decide to develop a valuable network that we can tap into.

You must make a positive impact on the people you interact with. The impact you make will portray the true value of your human capital. If your life is not touching anybody positively, then what is the essence of your capital? Who will be the consumers of your capital?



© March 2012 Terry Mante
PEDNET
Accra, Ghana

MAKE YOUR KNOWLEDGE COUNT

“Knowledge is only useful if we act on what we know, so we need to balance the time we spend knowing with the time we spend doing.” - Gerry McGovern

FRANCIS BACON: KNOWLEDGE IS POWER
POWER represents a person’s ability to do something or cause something to happen. So Francis Bacon’s “Knowledge is power” alludes to the capabilities and opportunities a person has as a result of what they know.

Knowledge helps you to know what to do and how you must do it. However if you have knowledge and you don’t apply it, then it’s of no use. The power of knowledge is only realised when it is released.

Former United States Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice remarked that, “Power is nothing without influence.” For knowledge to be truly meaningful and useful, it has to be released. Don’t ignore Gerry McGovern’s advice: “Knowledge is only useful if we act on what we know, so we need to balance the time we spend knowing with the time we spend doing.”

KNOWLEDGE APPLICATION
THE effect of knowledge is in its application. As a therapist, I have noticed that the problem of many people seeking help is not ignorance of what to do but the will to act on what they know.

Knowledge without practice is deception. Knowing something doesn’t necessarily make you better than the person who doesn’t know. If you can read the inscription cigarette smoking can be harmful to your health on a packet of cigarette and still smoke, then the ability to read makes no difference. You are just like the person who can’t read that warning.

Consistent practice retains knowledge. The more you do something, the stronger your conviction becomes. The stronger your conviction, the harder it sticks. If you keep what you know in cold storage, it would freeze and might lose it utility.

Knowledge benefits those who use it. Knowledge only becomes beneficial if it is applied to relevant situations. People who succeed in life are not extraordinary. They are ordinary people who act upon what they know. You don’t have to know everything to do something significant. You can start with the little you know while you continue to learn more.

SHINE YOUR LIGHT
19TH CENTURY journalist Margaret Fuller hit the nail right on the head when she said, “If you have knowledge, let others light their candles by it.”
Consider everything you have: Clothes, toothbrush, cologne, shoes, plates, cutlery, etc. Each of those items is a product of someone’s knowledge or ideas. Internet, electric bulb and pencil are all in existence because people put their knowledge into action and placed it at the disposal of the world.

If the Wright brothers had not released their knowledge, there probably would be no air planes today. If Alex Bell had not harnessed his knowledge, the telephone might never have been in existence. The diligent work of Thomas Edison ushered in the modern age of electricity. What if he had not done it? All the people we celebrate are those who put into practice what they knew. Whether its intellectual capital, significant experience or conviction, we have to deploy what we know.

SHARE YOUR KNOWLEDGE
COACH Joby Harris taught Zig Ziglar that, “if you have ability that goes beyond providing for your own needs, you have a responsibility to use that ability to reach down and help those who do not have that capacity.” Whatever we have is for the enhancement of society and society begins with the person next to you – the sales person at the grocery store, the bus conductor, the medical personnel at the community health centre, your brother or sister, your spouse or your classmate.

I think that each of us should determine that whenever we interact with people, we shall leave them with something they can remember. That is how we can build strong communities, companies and countries. When we do that we shall all reap the dividends that spring forth.


© 2012 Terry Mante
PEDNET
Accra, Ghana